Falling by the Wayside
unbalanced and off kilter
So much time has passed. It feels like a dream. I wearily raise my head to the understanding that it is almost June, and I have been swept away again. I came home today to work, as if my home were still a sanctuary and not the hazy reminder of life unlived. How many times have I done dishes and taken out the trash, in a daze yet giddy to be participating in something I’m certain is part of a normal life. How the dirt and grime has become surreal in my mind, the touch of a friendly hug an odd illusion, and sleep an unforgiving foe. Even my cat meows at me woefully, a half hearted plea against my neglect. I am tired, beyond measure.
As I sat outside, indulging in a smoke with my neighbors, she commented that my lifestyle is stressing them out. These wonderful friends who listen to me vent and never fail to invite me to a gathering, for all the times I’ve said no; I’ve become that iconic miracle – no one believes I exist until they see me. The week (or so) before I gave a speech on “The Benefits of Being a Workaholic”. It was satire, and was taken as a comedic routine. (I am funny sometimes.) I chuckled at someone’s lament of a 70hr work week… amateurs. Who needs a social life anyway.
Tonight I am morose, moved into a funk from repeated nightmares and unable to tear myself from its hold. Tomorrow I’ll drive to LA for a client pitch, and afterwards… maybe I’ll keep driving. Who knows? I might even take the weekend off.
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