Riding Elephants

inspired, enlightened, renewed

There are so many days that pass without more than a lingering glance at the date, as hour after hour slip by lost to some deadline.  I raise my head, as it were, from the grindstone and realize another month has gone by.  First it was suddenly March, then June, now July.  The plans I’d made at the beginning of the year stare back at me, my own handwriting mocking good intentions while yonder gods laugh.  The year is half over and I’m poignantly aware of how much and how little has occured according to my wishes.

It is well known that I work too much.  My tag cloud is a delightful reminder when “working way too much”, once entered as laughable keyword, is eyecatching in its larger font.  But so is happy.  I think back to a year ago today and the painful memory of those days, feeling lost and utterly without knowledge of what was to come next, and can’t help but feel the odd twist of lips.  The days are spent quickly but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t enjoying myself.

This weekend haunted me; three days of holiday celebration and as of Friday morning, I had no plans.  When my relationship ended, I knew that these would be the most difficult moments.  It wouldn’t be sleeping alone or coming home to an empty house – it would be those specific dates on a calendar, when you intrinsically seek out and spend time with the individuals who love you best, friends and family alike.  Holidays.  I’d planned for the big ones, Thanksgiving and Christmas – I hadn’t counted on Independence Day.  All my friends had plans already; my only hope was getting out of town.  (laugh)

As it turned out, I had a great time.  I spent Friday indulging in womanly tasks, accompanying one of my best girlfriends as she decided on a hairstylist for her wedding.  That night I painted until the wee hours of the morning, and Saturday found me at the San Diego County Fair, riding elephants, watching turkey races and monster trucks, petting lamas and a cow that acted like a dog, and getting sick off funnel cake.  That night I lingered over the fireworks downtown, danced in an underground lounge bar, and listened to music until I feared waking the neighbors with too much bass.

As Sunday winds to a close, I’m content and at peace.  My dreams have been vivid lately but not without merit.  Seeing beneath the surface of what appears to be a workaholic life and finding pleasure in the simple things.  Beyond the list of to-dos and personal goals, the challenges and fears of the every day life, the hope of each morning still makes me smile.

~ by CAT on July 6, 2009.