On Being the Bad Guy

sigh, it’s just another manic monday

Today was a rough day.  It started well, early, as in 4am early.  I drove to work after it became clear my mind wasn’t going to let up until I actually was able to do the things I was thinking about.  The drive was quiet, still dark, with a few lights to remind me there was such a thing as traffic and I didn’t own the roads.  The office was silent and calm…  clearly the quiet before the storm.  It started in an early meeting; what should have been a decisive fusion of talents turned into confusion and frustration.  Then it became apparent I was the problem.

It took me all day and a good portion of the evening to get back to a semblance of normal.  It’s not just the sense that I have been maligned or misunderstood or even having to be the person who pays attention to the details, to remember timelines and focus on what is feasible.  It’s the nagging irk that my trust and sympathies have waned.  I’ll admit, I’ve been frustrated and not as forgiving as I would normally be.  It’s difficult to accept that the team who protests being underappreciated and put over the barrel on a consistent basis can’t also see that what they don’t like being done to them, they do to my team, and STILL it is I who offend.  (sigh)

It’s only work, right?  And while the friendships I’ve developed at work are important, it doesn’t mean that I need to be friends with everyone.  If I play the bad guy sometimes, it’s only my job.  Riight.  And I sleep well at night.

My general frustration isn’t new.  It even makes sense.  But the sensitivity I have to the subject isn’t helping.  I need to get over it and find a better way to collaborate, so we can function as a team, rather than perceiving them as the enemy.  It would just be nice if they were willing to make an equal effort. Damn, I don’t want to be bitter.

(deep breath)  Come quick, tomorrow.  I’m ready for a reset.

(props to the artist)

~ by CAT on July 14, 2009.