Letting Go
it’s a process, not a decision
Disentangling one’s self from the various threads that create the tapestry of life is not an easy thing. Go too quickly and severe one you’ll miss. Go too slowly, and never get a shot at finding a new pattern or new array of colors. It is equally as important to bind and weave in a new direction as it is to cut and burn off unwanted weight. It is the start of the shift that can be difficult – time consuming, progresses feels slow and it seems that any consideration of change is still days or weeks or months away.
Patience has never been my strongest personality trait.
I am much more likely to tear away before it is really wise, leaving gapes and barren holes, while I forge ahead down a new path. My past is riddled with stories of me uprooting, changing jobs, schools, locations, friendships, you name it, I’ve left it. However, recognizing this about myself, I am causatively pausing – rethinking the process of enacting change. Focusing on small moves, while attempting to review and consider the lessons and value the memories. Making very certain exactly what it is I am releasing to the ether.
I certainly don’t attribute my new found methodology to being thirty – though I say that with some great amusement. Rather that there is often a difference between the reality one wants and what one deals with. Marriage, mortgages, jobs, relationships, hobbies – all the things that make life worth living, are also the things that make change (any real serious chaotic change) difficult to do well or easily. We live for the entangements – for getting wrapped up in each other and influenced by other decisions and intentions. It is how we help define ourselves and our place in the world. Those points of connection are at once what support us and tie us down.
Sometimes I think change isn’t exactly encouraged by this system; self growth perhaps, and anything that doesn’t disrupt the lines of communication or activity – it also helps me understand why movement in groups is often so powerful and more respected than that of a single individual speaking their mind. It must be done slowly to make any real difference…. one small move at a time.
